Call me Admiral

This is my first solo venture doing flatbed, it has been an adventure to say the least. Also this is my first week with the annoying and ridiculously stupid phone that I'm highly annoyed with but I can't decide to send back it's much slower than my previous phone which is kind of ridiculous as it has 1000 times the processing power.
I've been extremely frustrated with my new android phone while I am dictating this to it and I'll have to go back and edited for content as the voice recognition software isn't as good as they advertised. I believe I'm going to be sending this back and going back to my regular cell phone. it is a great convenience knowing that I can get my email on the road, and check fuel prices and what not... but it is still to much to deal with.

I have been listening to the Master and Commander series and there is a gentleman in there to remind me a lot of myself, his name is Dr. Maturin, and he goes after a Woman who continually causes in heartache and pain, now before you jump all over anyone do check yourself, there is more than 1 individual in my past who could fit this description in my life, several in fact that I have pursued, and thought endlessly of until they were married. So the fault lies in me, and my taste in women.
This man is no fool, he is in fact one of the most knowledgeable men on the planet in accordance to this book... and While I do flatter myself with that comparison, I find that he has a interest in the sciences as I do, and a similar opinion on violence, killing animals, and revolution. Despite his intelligence he can not get this woman out of his head. He knows she is no good for him. 2 times she is to marry him and then ran off with other men.
She gets herself into trouble, in a time of war and she has to flee the country she had allied herself to (having declared citizenship), so she is thought to be a spy as well. Dr. Maturin offers again his hand in marriage to her, telling her it could only be a business arrangement, so she could again become a Britannian Citizen. She winds up pregnant and still insists on her marrying him.

I've found myself doing the exact same thing someone spurning my pursuits or standing me up for a date and I am found allowing them to play the victim, instead of myself, and when all the other suitors are gone and there is no one else left around they come back and I graciously accept them, open arms. I have offered to raise children, and I have loved women dearly who had been impregnated by other men. It is very disturbing to me to see myself, the way I have thought, all on paper (although Porter Rockwell Chronically is still much [more] like myself.)

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I desire what I want some of the unsettling things in my past life I dislike. I've come to a great appreciation for being fired. Sure it was very difficult at the time, but I am now much happier.
I'm very much happier now, I am also realizing somethings about what I want what I desire what makes me happy and where I wanna be in life truthfully I don't think that but I would be happy with someone to allow fear to control them, I don't believe that necessarily I would be happy with most of the people who I have dated in the past, or possibly any of them as I reflect.

There is a family reunion this weekend in star valley and Doug is been trying to get me home (I work for my Uncle Doug now) and its nothing going so well! As I said above, I had a load that had been returned do the shipper after I went some distance and really because they needed it before we could get it there though they have not said that before we booked the load.

Heidi keeps upsetting me, it seems that there isn't anyone on this planet that she thinks is willing to marry me. I swear the dear child has decided that it would be better if I never marry. Part of me can't help but agree. Like the doctor above I am uncommon in traits, appearance, behavior, and I quickly grow to the point where I the reason I'd pursue marriage is to get people to leave me alone about it. Gone are the days where I would have pursued love; I've walked away from more girls I've loved, because I knew I wasn't what they needed, than most people will every have chance to love. I believe in love sure enough, I just don't believe I will pursue it again... I wonder if I'd find a girl who will find out about my past and not just put me away quietly, and no I am not as low as that all sounded, just stating my observations.

Any ways it is time for bed.