DRAMA!

Big News in the Vance residence!
I've got and kept a girlfriend for nearly 2 weeks now new record, I'm sure this one isn't insane, wont cheat, wont manipulate and wont result in my wishing I'd never met her.. It is Steph and it hasn't been without some resistance. It has been really hard on me because my honor code tells me to not cause the problems with Stephs family and break up with her; but when I got involved with Steph way back in the beginning I told her everything was 50-50 when it came to decisions in a BF-GF relationship, that was before we started the BF-GF relationship. What that means is that I have to deal with my honor and the pain because I feel responsible for the struggles in her family resulting from my being with her, because she is willing to deal with the drama at home... but after the problems in my family I find it hard to be the person responsible for issues in any family, families aren't supposed to fight..
It has resulted in more then one discussion, between Steph and I which usually result in what I've said since the beginning back in October "You've got to talk to them about me!" The Irony being that everything that I said would be an issue with her parents has become an issue, every last one.. and some I didn't for see. Steph wants to keep trying to make it work, so I have to bury the past and just have faith that everything will work out when everything inside my head is telling me to break up with her just to preserve the civility in her family towards me, because of the incivility already in my own family towards me, it just makes me want to cry that parts of both families really don't wants me around and it has nothing to do with anything I've actually done. I feel like nothing I am will ever be accepted as good enough, no matter how good I am now will ever make up for a past that has changed not only my life but the life of others; not to mention I feel like I am being judged as being someone I am not because my story is similar to someone who reacted very different then me.

It isn't that I don't understand I can't tell you how many of my friend-girls I've said "You can't judge guys off the internet off me... they are dangerous and say anything to get in your pants." to; I just refuse to try to 'prove' myself to anyone, I've never proved myself to anyone and even so I feel like minds where decided before I ever met Steph. Besides that I feel like if I try to prove my point it just plays into their hands as evidence against me.

I just wish that I felt I had a chance because I've been down this road before, everything is going to be "He is only acting this way when he is around us as a play act... something he does here to win our hearts and mind..." It will never change because the 'play act' will last until I die, I've seen it to many times. I simple will not be accepted and the only person who this really hurts is Steph. I'm used to being misunderstood and heartbroken but if her parents end the relationship out of anti-internet relationship bigotry, Steph gets hurt worse then me it would be her first real heartbreak.
I've been trying to play by her parents rules, since they have limited her unlimited text budget. We talk on the phone alot now which is working against them since we are getting closer not being driven apart. I've been waiting to hear that the unlimited night and weekend minutes get cut off too. I just don't have much faith that this wont end in a war in a family other them my own in my regard, and I am about emotional spent because of what is already happening.
The really stupid thing is I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I can't possibly be good enough as outlined above, but if I break up with Steph even for honorable reasons it'll just be used as evidence that I'm exactly like they think... I really wish this wasn't something I'd been through before, it would make it much easier to have faith that things will turn out all right.
For the record I don't intend on breaking up with Steph unless God has other plans for me, he is the only person I still don't ask questions of when he gives an order.

I also started my own company in the last month. http://rtvance.printroom.com/ Not much to say about that since it isn't bringing in the income. Things will change when I get my new camera set up and start shooting sporting events.

I'm trying to drive more... which isn't working. It just isn't a good time of year to drive truck. The after the Christmas rush slows everything down and I'm worried about my company. So if I start seeing the tell tale signs that the company is going down the drain I'll have to bail and go back to driving. I wouldn't mind the extra $20-30k+ a year but I am not sure I want to be OTR again.

I'm on a diet, I don't due new years resolutions but I do need to get a few pounds off.. okay I need to get like 60pounds off. I've lost 5 pounds already and I've not been exercising. It was a pretty drastic diet change but I feel pretty good and aside from the beat to smeg knees I'm feeling better then I have in a couple of years.

I finished a big goal on the 1st. I've now got pictures of all the operational temples in Utah, it was a long days drive to Vernal then Salt Lake and Manti. Plus I stopped by and saw my cousins family for a couple hours and my parents. I wish I could afford more trips like that I really need the time to think.